Another Halloween has come and gone, and I didn’t see one Kate Gosselin or Balloon Boy or Octomom costume. It was just your garden variety of ghouls, goblins and robots. Oh, and zoo animals (that would be Junior and Sissy). We need to kick it up a notch next year and force — I mean, ask — Junior and Sissy to go as celebrity kiddos! Sissy could be Suri Cruise (note to self: invest in brown wig and “I Love Xenu” T-shirt), and Junior can go as Kingston Rossdale, Gwen Stefani’s little mohawk-sporting fashion plate. Halloween 2010 will be here before we know it!

Chris Martin is in deep GOOP

Could this be true? Could Chris Martin, of Coldplay and Gwyneth Paltrow fame, be cheating on his ice queen with a younger actress? Star Magazine says so.

The other woman is allegedly Kate Bosworth, a blonde waify American actress (he certainly has a type) who has starred in a few forgettable films I don’t feel like looking up. She’s mostly known for dating Orlando Bloom back in the day.

If you read my blog, you know I’m not Gwyneth’s biggest fan. I’ve mentioned how I struggle with the impulse to punch her in the face and the weird desire to want to be in her cool girls club (and absorb her outlandishly pretentious advice provided in her GOOP newsletter).

That said, no one deserves to be cheated on, not even Gwynnie. Well maybe Ms. Bosworth deserves it — she’s somewhat infamous in Hollywood for her hot pursuits of the male persuasion, with no regard for significant others. In other words, she might be a hussy. Martin’s rep denies it all…surprise. Part of me always wonders if one of the celebs plants these rumors (you know who you are, Kate Bosworth) to get some attention. I’m merely speculating, but I’m pretty sure it happens.

Anyway, I hope Chris can straighten this out in private before this gets too icky. Wait. A. Second. Who just took over my blog? Because those words would never leave my mouth. Of course I hope their alleged split is splattered all over the place. I mean, that’s why I get up in the morning, right?

YOU’RE FIRED

For those of you who are feeling somewhat sensitive and empathetic today (what is WRONG with you, by the way?), I warn you that I really don’t pull any punches on this particular post. I don’t have much patience with any member of the Simpson family (or the Gosselins or Speidi, for that matter). But this is about Ashlee, so back on point…

So, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz — a Simpson by birth and therefore one of my least favorite people on planet Earth — has been fired from Melrose Place. The network and even Simpson made it seem hunky dory at the time, but as suspected, that seems to be a load of malarkey.

Rumor has it she was fired because, get this…she is a TERRIBLE actress (shock) and was a jerk on set. And then to make it more exciting, Ashlee’s dim bulb of a sister, Jessica, tweets about the whole thing:

“CW catching up on MP.who writes this crap?i have had bad scripts to work with,but this?thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press.”

By the way, I love to imagine Jessica hanging at home by herself, inhaling some chicken lo mein, drinking a fish bowl of wine, watching old episodes of her reality show with ex-husband, Nick Lachey, when she decided to drunk tweet.

This one is all about Dakota Fanning and Kathy Griffin

15-year old actress Dakota Fanning, who has a role in the upcoming Twilight sequel New Moon, was recently crowned homecoming princess at her high school. You know the other candidates were all like, “What the hell?! She gets to be in a movie with Robert Pattinson and be homecoming princess?! Tramp.” Okay, maybe the tramp part is going a bit too far…

Anyway, when I read this news I found it refreshing that Dakota seems to have a relatively normal teenage life. One day she’s schmoozing with A-list actors and directors, and the next she’s doing toe touches with her cheer squad and scoring the coveted homecoming tiara. It’s the American dream, right?

And then I remember what I read about Dakota in Kathy Griffin’s autobiography. Yes, I am reading Kathy’s autobiography, and yes, it is fantastic.

When Kathy hosted the 2005 Golden Globes red carpet pre-awards, she thought it would be hilarious (and I concur) if she started an obviously ridiculous rumor about a celebrity. So the rumor she created was that Miss Fanning had entered rehab (who was 10-years old at the time and starring with Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds).